Decisions

Looking back into the past, I ask myself did I make the right decision? I believe things happen for a reason and that applies to everyone including me. I learned a lot not only about life but about myself. I can't change myself but I am more confident than before. Not as confident as I want to be but I am comfortable.

After all the big decision of quiting a secure job and moving away to look for a greener pasture, I thought I would be happy. I am reasonably comfortable and secure, financially and emotionally. Yet there is something missing. I still don't feel at home.

Now I am deciding to go back home. ES has been supportive with me even though I have to leave him. No doubt he has been unhappy with my decision. He is letting me go and keeping the house open for me if I decide to come back. I can still clearly remember what he said. When you come back you have the knowledge of what you are coming back for compare to when you first came.

Part of me is saying I can't wait to get home and be with my family and friends, yet part of me is sad to leave. But I have to... just to clear the web in my head and in my chest. Right now, I am not thinking straight... with this guilty feelings, I am making everyone upset including myself.